my new time-waster.

http://theativanimalblog.blogspot.com/

sayonara.

i have to start a new blog. this one is too dark. it's become too easy for this to be the place i go to vent, especially at work.
once i get some kind of idea going for the new one, i'll post the link here.
i'm just tired of feeling so wintery.

Mtn Dew

The coldest and best can of pop in the world can be found in the pop machine at Dicarlo's in Wellsburg, WV.

Happy!

most of the time, i like being quiet and sad. but i am done with that...for now. i think i am freaking people out. so now i will be fun and bendy!

Question:

Why does everyone call me "stranger"? As in "hey there stranger..."

I've been right here the whole time!

Pittsburgh

This is how it looks. I wish I could take a picture of how it smells.

Get Out Of My Head.

Ok. That's it. You've been excised. I'll have no more of that. Not a moment too soon.

St Patrick's Day

Yesterday was St Patricks Day. I celebrated on Saturday, so I didn't really feel the need to do anything "Irish" on the actual holiday. At work we had an Irish menu & some beers. And green lemonade. On my way home, though, the sun was shining and it was warm for the first time in a long time. So I went to Schenley Park (formerly known (by me) as The Beach), and sat on a blanket for a while and drank a Guinness. It was pretty much perfect.

too bad...

ironic.

This is a good sign.

like Alice. just not as cool.

The worst is knowing everything in advance. it's like I have some sick ability to predict the future. So it's funny that I keep thinking "oh...it would be perfect." Because, honestly Katie. What do you even mean by that???

millions.

Bob Bruce
Rilo Kiley
Meredith Viera
Jon Stewart
Portia DiRossi

That's what I've been up to today. So far.

Why do I have old Raisinettes at the bottom of my bookbag?

I guess the hibernation is almost over. I am not happy about it. I just...don't feel like it. You know?

I'm coming dangerously close to saying things I shouldn't say. On the one hand, as so often is the case, I don't have anything to lose. But I know that if that was really true, I wouldn't even bother. Maybe I'm just ready to get the "losing" out of the way. Yes. That sounds like me.
As enlighted as I may think I am, I'm still just a 20-something kid. Which isn't as bad as it sounds.
I think about that and I feel better.
I got a new iPod the other day.
Now is not the time to write.

Chip is a real asshole.

I feel like I should write some positive things. After rereading my last several posts, I was surprised at how vague and dark they are. Unfortunately, I can't think of any kind of spiritual uplift I've experienced recently. No great hope. No lightness.
I can say that I am sick of waiting for that to change. What would make it change?
(Sidenote: Why do people insist on talking about the weather? What does that have to do with anything?)
Every so often I notice that I've moved to a new level of apathy. it's like Donkey Kong. only instead of trying to save the girl or whatever, i would just like to be able to reach the liquor on the top shelf.
what a crappy metaphor.
anyway, i suppose it's something that I would like to be ignited.
i can think of only a few ways that could happen and none of them are likely to any degree.
for once, i am going to be specific.
...I need a computer. I am dying to write something OTHER THAN this stupid douchebag blog. It's been years since I've done any fiction. I just want to put some time in to it...so that i can eventually come to the conclusion that I'm not supposed to write...so I can just forget about it and be done with it.
yes, that does make sense to me.
...i like a boy. he has curly brown hair. i see him once a year. he will never read this.
...i guess i'm going to get a summer job when i get back from my trip. give up some time (i have more than enough on my hands as it is)...make a little dough (i have none)...it's weird to say but i'm kind of looking forward to it. it would be nice to be exhausted for a reason (other than boredom).
Ok, so there it is. three things i think about. three things that are in no danger of happening. they just kind of hover. but there they are.

recitation.

I think the problem is that I'm having the same conversations every day. The silences are the same. The laughter happens at the same time each day. It would be nice to hear and say some different things in some different places. God. It would be so nice.

this doesn't make any sense.

There IS a difference between then and now. but it's all the same.

Funny, ha ha.

Usually when I'm this depressed, you are the one I want to talk to.

Instead I drank whiskey & watched the Bachelor.

At least I'm consistent. Even when I'm not.

It's heartburn.

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is. You just ate pizza.

Does heartburn come with shortness of breath and severe chest pains? You know, like some sort of sharp thing? In the chest?

I don't know.

No, I did not know

that i could still get this angry.

In fact, don't bother me. I was OK for a minute, but now, what I really want more than anything in the world, now i just want to go to sleep.

So, there's that.


...Just goes to show, you should never get your hopes up about anything. Ever. Pay your bills. Wipe your feet. Don't forget to set the alarm.

"Love is all you need. Everything else is included."

Jesus.


I'm already down to 40%. My face has curled up into a severe scowl. I don't think I could relax my eyebrows if i wanted to. And, what? Now im going to do my running around like I do every night (nick, giant eagle) and go home to my apartment where all the lights are always on. except mine. i was so excited about my first baking gig, but then everyone started talking and now im annoyed.
i am happy it's cold out.

I am fine...

I would say that i'm about a "green". about a 75%.

I finished "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" yesterday. On my way in to work today, I passed a truck that was marked
"Infectious/Chemotheraputic Waste
Lake Forest, IL 60045"
I think that's a little weird.
I need a nap.

i take what i can get.

that's all it comes down to, really. no plans or hopes. no philosophy. i simply take what i can get. i am wrong most of the time.
Last night, Jack Donaghy fell in love with Salma Hayek for the same reason I fall in love with all of you. And then I think of Hubert Selby Jr and I get sad all over again.
this sure feels like the right night to burn at the Cage. after work drinks for a co-workers bday. but after that I mean. it's nice and orange in there.

well, nevermind. i had a good thing goin' but then i lost my train of thought. fred flintstone is on the tv above my head talking about breast cancer and impeachment and martyrdom.

USA 42

I think the mailman is racist. No, the mailman IS racist.

D'oh!

the inaugural batch of chocolate chip cookies is AWESOME!!!!

i was going to insert a Hitler joke here, but i think i'll just leave it alone.

Yum!

this is what i do on wednesday afternoons.

This is a picture of my ham hands, or rather, one ham hand. Last Christmas, Mari gave me a Honeybaked Ham. During that week-long holiday, I ate ham sandwiches every night. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, swollen, and have to stand in front of the fridge chugging water. They do that all the time now. I eat too much salt, I guess.

This is my neice, bitty. She looks kinda like The Joker in The Dark Knight.

hobbies are goodness.

I like learning, but I hate being taught.