Best of Craig's List...my favorite. No, I didn't write it. But, I could have...

email this posting to a friend best of craigslist > new york > MISS ME! Goddamnit!! - m4w Originally Posted: Tue, 8 Jul 00:00 EDT
MISS ME! Goddamnit!! - m4w
Date: 2008-07-08, 12:00AM EDT
Every week I check this damn thing to see if anyone in this city of millions has missed me. What gives? I ride the train no less than twice a day, five or more days a week. I'm pressed against some of you in the commute to/from work. Haven't any of you women missed me? I go to the park. I shop at places. I walk around. I wear shoes. I have ear phones. I drink stuff. Where's my missed connection? Start missing me already, goddamnit. I am very easy to miss. Monday: Go to work after the weekend. Try not to sweat in the sweltering humidity of the subway. No one misses a sweater. Listen to music to drown out the reality of being stuck in the train with a million strangers; avoid eye contact at all cost. Bullshit about the weekend with the coworkers until quitting time. Get caught up on CL. Tuesday: Go to work. Eat at one of same four places around work. Walk around a little during lunch, hoping to bump into someone new. Go home and contact friends to make plans for the weekend. Check CL. Wednesday: Go to work. Getting adventurous now and spend most of lunch break wandering around trying to find someplace new to eat. Realize nothing of interest has been built since I checked last week. End up eating at one of four usual places. Try taking a different route home. This time try to make eye contact with as many strangers as I can on train/bus/ferry/foot. Thursday: Go to work. Spend most of lunch hour running errands, returning library material, getting money from the bank, and calling up friends to reconfirm plans. Go shopping after work. Walk up and down each aisle to make doubly sure everyone has had a chance to miss me. Get home and get frustrated that still no one has posted with my description. Friday: Go to work. Spend all day waiting for work to end. Take smoking break. Look around for smokers to miss. Get out of work. Forget all about CL. Find friends and go eating/drinking/event attending. See more strangers in one night than rest of week combined. Stumble home at ungodly hour. Saturday: Wake up at some point. Roll over to the park. Maybe check out a museum. Try to look deep and lost in thought. Feel envious of all the people missing connections right before my eyes. Think about posting when I get home. Get home and forget or become crushed by laziness or the ennui of it all. Look up ennui in dictionary. Sunday: Fuck it. I'm sleeping in. I'm doing laundry. I'm ordering take-out. I'm not leaving the damn house. You've had your chances all week. I'm taking a me day. I'm reading a book. And by reading, I mean surfing the internet; whereas by book, I mean porn. Knock myself out with the usual roofie-colada, wine + sleeping pill, so I can wake up in the morning and pack myself into an overcrowded train to get to work and check CL. Fucking miss me already. I can't do this forever.
Location: the train
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I love the A.V Club

by Z0DIAC M0THERFUCKER
NAH THAT ELEPHANT INSECT GUY WAS LIKE BITCHASS ANAKINS OWNER OR SOME SHIT. HES ALL MAKING LIAM NEESON JUMP THROUGH ALL THESE HOOPS WITH ALL THAT RACING AND WHATEVER FUCK ALL THAT SHIT JUST PUT THE FUCKING JEDI CHOKE ON HIM FOR CHRISTS SAKE. YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE TRYING TO SAVE THE FUCKING GALAXY SO YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO GET OWNED ALL DAY
11:37 AM Wed July 16, 2008




ZoMoFo. Thank you. :)

Seriously, fuck that guy.

"They're smart enough to balance their own checkbooks."



"...hate to say I told you so..."

ha.

Jet

and please, God (or whatever), do not let me embarrass myself like that again. I wait months (MONTHS!) to talk to that boy and then turn into Woody Allen the second he has a minute to chat. fuck. now i am just like every other dipshit receptionist in town. bitching about co-workers is so fucking pointless, and i was just trying to separate myself from that...Oh, god. Why cant I just shut the fuck up sometimes?
It's so sad to always be looking for someone. He rides a bike for a living. So now, every boy on a bike has become him. (and im not even sure what his name is). And yet, he is standing in front of me (laughing at me) and all I can do or say is to make it worse. Stuttering...talking in circles...pointing out obvious confusion when there is NONE. Woody might be a nice nickname for me, if I got to choose. Which I dont. Nicknames dont belong to the person they refer to...they belong to the person using it. I learned that a little while ago and even wrote about in on here, a while back.
In Eighth grade, we had yearbook superlatives. I was in the running to win both Class Flirt and Class Couple. (This is a recurring theme. I decided to go with class couple. wouldnt want people to remember me for being slutty. we broke up before the book came out. ha.) Anyway, I'd like to talk to my 13 year old self, and figure out how to get that mojo back. Because this whole 'tripping-over-words-and-grinning-like-an-idiot' thing is getting old real fucking fast.

Make it stop!

I should not be allowed to listen to indie rock anymore. There is NO REASON someone should jump from The Smiths to Pavement to Calexico covers of Joy Division in ONE afternoon. It's embarrassing...this acquiring "thing" i seem to have. Maybe the nice boys at the exchange will help me stop the madness. (i need the dough anyway.) But they will never, repeat NEVER, ask me out at the Squirrel Cage.

I am too old to NOT be able to answer these questions

The truth is...I dont care what's happening in sports. Or with Tarentino's new Inglorious Bastards. Or Anne Hathaway's boyfriend. Why do I know so much that doesn't interest me? And what on earth DOES interest me????

All I can say is that as long as Craig's List contains 'missed connections', I will be OK. My little acorn lives in there somewhere.

Just say Wednesday, Ok?

I hate it when people refer to Wednesday as "hump day". When I am Queen, those people will be the first against the wall.

Simpsons Pinball and the absence of 'e's

I am in a feisty, possibly destructive kind of mood. It's 2pm on Wednesday. I'm off Thursday & Friday because I'm traveling to KY for Dick's wedding. Fun. In the meantime, I need a drink. Beer. and tequila or something. I know it's "supposedly" a sign of alcoholism if you drink alone, but really, at a time like this, I dont want to be around people. Or talk about dumb shit. I want some loud music and serious inebriation. I need to sweat and to swear. And I want to catch something I might be ashamed of.

Fuck. I am listening to two middle aged ladies talk about Colin Firth right now.

Get. Me. Out. Of. Here.

The A.V. Club rules my brain

I am sick of being bored.
I am sick of being numb.
I am sick of being poor.
dead.
hopeless.
sleepy.
stupid.
stoned.
lazy.
fat.
unoriginal.
awake.
abbreviated.
Pittsburgh.
Akron.
Cleveland.
California.
American.
quirky.
drunk.
mollus.


The thing is, I do think that was Johnny Marr. He just looked weird in a khaki shirt & fishing cap.