If only...

i wonder what chickens would think if they knew what we were doing with their eggs.

i should have paid more attention when I was in hawaii.

i should pay more attention, in general, I think. Either more or less. Ehh, maybe it doesn't matter how attentive you are. It is or it isn't. Most of the time.

I can't stand Sleater-Kinney. I mean, the music rocks. Just shut up already. If it was Stephen malkmus singing I would probably love it.

i think i dont want to love anyone because i dont want to hate them. that's messed up.

I can't believe this

Today, a shark ate a man off the coast of California. The man was 66 years old. The details haven't been released yet. I just saw some footage on CNN.

This completes the trifecta.

Yesterday, all I could think, talk, or write about was the stuff about bears, sharks, or gators. I even remember saying to mari 'now all we need is a shark attack, but i think we're a little early for that'. haha. CREEP!

does it go without saying that i didnt really want any of these folks to be eaten by beasts?

yeah. I can't believe that. Awesome. I'm going to post some cool shark photos in a minute. maybe.

GrVy WkNd

i need a little nap. outside on a blanket.
if the weather tomorrow is similar to the weather today, you will find me relaxing at the Beach, a.k.a. Schenley Park-Flagstaff hill. That is where I need to be. I don't think i see enough grass. mostly pavement with gum & spit everywhere. that is what there is to look at downtown. and busses. i dont know why it is especially irritating lately to drive past or be stopped next to a bus. ive started putting the windows up when that happens. i am constantly upping & downing my windows. and turning my music up and then down again. but. at schenley "beach" if i tune out the traffic, i can imagine the ocean existing where Oakland currently stands. Phipps is still there in my head, and CMU. but the rest of the city is gone. (I can do that in the car too...like flying around on Bethany Pike. The water is waaay down the hill.) PCH via Forbes Avenue.

(this is starting to look more like the normal columbo entries. although the grammar is much worse, it makes more sense. to my own head. i like the stream-of-consciousness approach. sometimes.)

Netflix for the weekend: Wristcutters & Rashomon. Last weekend, I finally watched Sunset Boulevard all the way through. Sadly, Norma Desmond reminded me way too much of an old Britney Spears. I'm surprised that hasn't come up somewhere. it seemed pretty obvious to me. billy wilder was on to something 60 years ago, BEFORE the crazy paparazzi crap that happens now. i dont really care much, just an interesting observation. it's too far removed from me for it to actually matter. like madonna and her african babies. or the war.

Pirates game tonight. I will be watching the Pens on the little tvs. i always love going to ball games. even when it is the stinkin' buccos. i dont want this blog to turn into a place where i rant everytime i dont feel like being at work. but this once i am going to say that i LOVE Fridays in the spring. in college i loved skipping all of my afternoon classes to sit outside on our deck at the house and drink beer. and drive around and smoke. That is what I miss about Bethany most of all. having a deck on the back of our house. NOT going to class. and drinking during the day. :) yeah...that sounds about right, dont you think?

Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica

I won't post the gruesome bits about the bear attack. I do think he's cute, though.

And, for the record, the bear is the animal i would LEAST want to be mauled by...

(damn, i just ruined the whole blog entry sequencing thing...ahh...)

Really, my day looks more like Bears, apples, The Office. but oh well. that's as close to Dwigt-ness as I want to get.

Anyway, I also wanted to clarify this gator story.

http://blogs.tampabay.com/breakingnews/2008/04/gator-spotted-i.html

Listen to the 911 call. It's freakin' hilarious.

Bear, Shark, or Alligator (or crocodile)??

I have instigated MANY conversations about this in the past few months...at bars all across the tri-state area...

IF you were to be mauled to death by one of the following animals, which would you pick?
Bear
Shark
Alligator/Croc.

and of course it follows, then, why? Which one would you NOT want to be killed by?

This week there have been news stories about a couple of these wild beasts. The bear from Semi-Pro killed his trainer. I haven't seen Semi-Pro yet, but if that bear is anything like the calm and democratic bear from Anchorman, I say Let Him Live! I have never been a fan of the death penalty, and ESPECIALLY not for celebrities!
Also, sometime recently, an 8 ft alligator crawled his (or her, i guess) way into the kitchen of a little old lady's florida condo. The lady didnt freak out or anything and animal control was able to escort the creepy dinosaur back out of her little old lady kitchen. But then they killed it. Apparently hungry 8ft reptiles (was going to insert an old people joke here, but wont) are not welcome at Shady Pines. Sayonara, Shannon. :)

Cool Thursday Things

After lunch I took a walk through PPG Place and Market Square. The fountain is finally on in PPG Place, a true sign that summer is on it's way. All the little kids were having a ball in the fountain, splashing and soaking themselves as parents, guardians, and strangers looked on. As I passed, I heard one little one yell, "I'M ALIIIVE!". I wonder what that was all about. Was the little kid imitating Frankenstein? Would a 5 year old kid know about that line? And wasn't it "it's alive"? The mad scientist referring to the massive monster? So was this little kid REALLY rejoicing and acknowledging his (or her) existence? Happy just to be playing in the sun...
Even if that's not really what the kid was talking about, I guess it's nice that I was forced to take a few minutes out of the middle of my day in the middle of a loud cranky stinking city to consider children & innocence & small pleasures.

That said...
will someone PLEASE remove the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition from the front counter at CVS?!?! God! I feel like I have been staring at that blonde lady's side-boob for months now. And WHY is it OK for that naked lady to be hanging out next to my chapstick and Altoids, and it's NOT OK for 30 Rock to use a phrase like MILF (Island) in an episode?! The show's ratings aren't that great to begin with (106th) despite it being one of the best television shows ever written. (Better than Seinfeld. There, I said it.) But seriously, how many little kids are watching that show and actually considering what a "MILF" is? Little kids would probably think that word is hilarious, anyway. 30 Rock was bumped out of NBC's "family hour" 8-9pm, and will now follow The Office. That one hour of television makes Thursdays OK with me.

Speaking of 30 Rock (which i always am, incessantly), Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were on The View today. (I need to get a life.) Tina Fey mentioned that Elizabeth Hasselbeck was the only host that had not yet been on 30 Rock. Elizabeth said she would love to appear on the show, and Tina, without hesitation, said "would you get in bed with Alec Baldwin?" AHHH! Elizabeth was so stunned she couldn't even answer yes or no (she was trying to convey annoyance, but you could tell she wanted to do it...what a republican). It was Perfect. It makes sooo much sense for Jack and Elizabeth to have a fling (or whatever), and I Love it that Tina went for it right there on the show!! Awesome.

My obituary should read

pediasure
pediasure
pediasure
pizza
pizza
pizza
pizza
pizza
ensure.

Today looks like this:

then there were supposed to be pictures of a bed and toothpaste too, but they wont upload and I'm too tired to keep trying.

soon, hopefully, i will have the time and energy to write about the best night-no, best WEEKEND-of my life, which occured last week(end). im just a little foggy today and i dont know if i feel like it.

so this is it. my day. i was up all night puking everywhere. dentist at 9am (no cavities, TMJ disorder). bought some motrin 800s and prilosec. just ate lunch...toast and a half a banana. and I just wanted to include that picture of Ray Wise because I think he is especially badass. so yeah, work, indie rock, heartburn, and Ray Wise. I will be asleep for the night by 6pm.

:)

KATE (NOT OUR KATE)

All I can say is that this isn't the first time that has happened, and I am sure it won't be the last. It is just something that I do. Or, rather, something that happens as a result of something I like to do. If I could change that, I would. For YOU.
But here we are. Strangers, really. People who could have potentially been friends. If I hadn't squashed that potential like a bug. It's what I do. Like a little drunk human flyswatter.
So, I will look to the people around me that I cannot escape. Coworkers, sisters. Frownie & Puff. These will be my friends until the time comes that I meet someone new to 'get to know'. To enjoy & admire. To sabotage.
I'm sorry.

Operation Optimism

Phase One:
Draw smiley faces on every piece of paper on my desk.
If someone asks if I am in a good mood or a bad mood, I will always say good mood.
Don't say 90% of the things that pop into my brain. Space the other 10% out. It's a good idea for me to keep my mouth shut.
YOU.SHUT.UP.

My heart is an acorn.

I am hungry.

Other randomness:

I think life doesn't technically begin until the being needs a ticket to go somewhere. Like a show or a hockey game. (4/11, drunk at the cage watching hockey)

I might be a marxist. and possibly a Buddhist. But never, really.

Chuck told me that instead of a heart, I have a little acorn in my body. I'm pretty sure he's right.

I like to drink fancy coffee. At home I make a special blend of coffee from Kauai and graham cracker flavo(u)red coffee. Its really great. Im hungry.

I love packing tape.

In the spring, I like driving to work with an iced chai from starbucks...while listening to Impossible Germany by Wilco. I love those mornings. And that is one of my all-time favorite songs.

I still think the Pope looks like Emperor Palpitine. Pre-and-Post-Sith-Lord-Makeover.

I'm happy 30 Rock & The Office are back.

Hungry.

I hate it that I can never get too deep in these blog postings. The nature of my job is that I am interrupted very frequently. So I can only think of the little tiny notes like the ones here. I'd like to go into detail about my little acorn heart, for example. But I can't...someone needs...something. Phone.

I am trying like hell to knock it off with the pessimism (as the kids say). I...phone...phone...phone...I guess I really wasn't aware of how much negative shit floats around in my head and comes out of my mouth. And this preoccupation with Death (with a capital D) has got to go too. It's killing me.

More on this crap later, I hope. I mean, I can't wait until I'm able to post again about these awesome ideas!!

ok. to sweep. and to eat. and to sleep.

fuck you and your lay's potato chips.

why dont you DO SOMETHING?!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????

Mine would be made of snakeskin and have a big eye on it

Wouldn't it be great if, when you die, you got to read the REAL story of your life? How it should have been? A walk through your life, only changed in places where you made the wrong decision? Like, what you were supposed to do...
______ ______ was your soulmate during your time on Earth. Yes, Katie, you should have believed in soulmates.
You were supposed to be a ________. Didn't you ever notice that you were really good at _______? You were wasting your time as a _______.
You should have knocked _______ out in 8th grade. You overpaid ____ on your taxes in 2002.

No lies, abbreviations, or secrets. Finally, you would get to see EVERYTHING- as it was and as it should have been. That would be cool.

What kind of difference would that make to me now? None at all, I suppose. The thing about getting older (life after age, say, fifteen), is that you become locked in. I don't know why I am doing the job I have. I just kind of found it-or, rather, it found me). There are a million "things I should have done" or "ways i wish i was" (for lack of a better phrase). It's not like I am going through my life unaware of those things. It just is what it is, I guess. (Cue Talking Heads.)

(It's too hard to write these things at work. This is all baloney.)

I've been told on many occasions that I am what people like to call "a free spirit". I guess that just means that I don't like to commit. I don't really have any idea what the hell that means.

Turning the orbit around

I had a dream last night (on the eve of the first playoff game) that I met Sidney Crosby and that he wanted to give me his phone number. (It should be noted, I suppose, that in my waking life I do not find this young man attractive.) Anyway, in the dream, he took my cell phone to put his number in, but instead of using his real name, he called himself "Eduardo".

Also, in this dream, I met a young Mr. Belvedere. I mean the actor who played Mr Belvedere. He was playing cards with some other folks. I'm not sure if they were from TV shows or not.

Do nicknames belong to the people they refer to (to which they refer)? Or the people using them?

$75.00 is not a lot for a necklace of interest. Turns out there was a hole in the middle. I can't help but chuckle at the irony.

Yes, this is Wilco weather.

Words that start with V

Earlier today I asked Chuck if I am vacuous. Someone used that word recently to describe something of mine (not me), and since then I've been worried. I guess I'm the kind of person who jumps to conclusions at the very mention of a negative condition or disease. What is it? RLS? Scurvy? Oh, I'm pretty sure I have that. Anyway, the word vacuous has been on my mind, so I asked someone who would most definitely give me an honest answer. I hate it when people answer a question with "what are you talking about?", which is the exact answer I get most of the time. After messing with me for a minute, Chuck said, "You are whatever the opposite of vacuous is... you are...(huge grin)...full of shit."
Thanks, Chuck.

God is tall, skinny, tan, and has a huge mane and beard of white fur. I know this because he is on the cover of March's Videography magazine. Turns out God is a camera guy who worked on Martin Scorcese's Rolling Stones documentary.

I can't think of any way to use the word V for the rest of the shit i want to write about.

I tried Indian food last night for the first time (pretty much). I'm "into" spicy food so I was not afraid to try something new. Note to self: heartburn fucking sucks. I threw up for twenty minutes before work this morning and I haven't been the same since. V!

I'm antsy. My next thing will probably be about ants. it may (or may not) be a good one. Now that I am trying to write in this blog the same way I do in my real columbos, I can tell it might not work. I don't sound the same. Maybe it's the fact that I am interrupted a hundred times a day and I can't focus. Maybe it's the effing chicken tikka masala that's distracting me. I want to continue, but at this point I want to acknowledge that this isnt as cool as I wanted it to be.

Do not begin a blog with "existentialism".

I've been carrying around these 'Columbo notebooks' for months now. Maybe even a year. Sometimes people look at me like I'm nuts when I suddenly pull my notebook and pen out and start scribbling, but I don't think it's weird. I don't necessarily think it's theraputic either. Nothing like that. These notebooks are around for two reasons. I love to write/want to be 'a writer' and my home computer is broken. Also, I think I'm hilarious. I really do. I think I'm smarter and funnier than most people I've met. So these brilliant observations MUST be chronicled.
(I am not funny.)

That's an exaggerated version of why I keep my notebooks, and why I've now decided to keep some of these thoughts online. To put it simply, I don't want to die. These pages are an attempt to recognize that I've been alive all this time (24 years). If organizing thoughts into language is the only thing I'm good at, I might as well do it.

Most of my motivation in life comes from the desire to 'fly under the radar'. I've excelled at being a B student. A 'head-plus', at best. I am beyond comfortable with mediocre...it's my way of life. Well, mediocre-plus anyway. I think this is why I loved Lt. Columbo so much. With his cigars and his trenchcoats, and his...stupidity. Even when I was sixteen, I knew he was on to something. THAT'S the way to do it, Columbo. Take the pressure off. Play the part. Do the work while nobody's looking. Then, when you do wrap it up in the end (in a lighthearted, yet accurate way), they'll all just smile and say 'he knew it all along'.

I'm in there somewhere.

This is going to be my online version of my actual Columbo Notebooks. Ramblings, mostly. I guess we'll just have to see if I figure anything out by the end of the show...

(Obviously, I have no idea how to use this site yet. I'm workin' on it. I hate spell check. and I'm not nuts about the layout of my page either. If you can forgive a few inaccurate punctuations-on purpose, of course-I hope you'll continue to read the bullshit trickling out of my brain. Or something.)